Featured: What Makes a Relationship Strong?

Matters about love has been a universal part of conversations worldwide, starting from guiding teenagers how to face it into sharing a love advice or an experience about it.

I may include myself among those people who looked up to love with such respect and expectations too but not totally a hopeless romantic. It must be in a romance writer's blood too, to hunger for love, write down her aspirations of what a perfect relationship should be.

Well, that is until I have to stop writing romance stories because yes, I fell into a deep hole called love. And I don't know. That should have inspired me more to write romantic stuff but it didn't. Maybe it's because how I experience love is different from imagining a love story.

And every part of a love story is how the couple maintains it, keeps the relationship going strong.

Giving our loved one's happiness is based on loving them for who they are.

That's what caught my attention last night when I read this tabloid article. This will take a long while to read so, please bear with me. I am also telling you that this will be worth your while to read. Here's what the article says:

Madali lang suwertehin sa love life. Unang-una, hanapin mo ang isang taong ka-compatible mo at pangalawa, isipin mo at piliting ibigay ang mga bagay na magpapaligaya sa iyong kasuyo. Sa ganyang paraan sa love life at sa pakikipagrelasyon, susuwertehin ka.

 It is easy to be fortunate in terms of love life. First of all, look for a person you are compatible with and second, think and work hard to give all the things that will make your lover happy. In this way, you will be lucky with your love life and relationships.

'Yung unang pormula, madali lang masunod 'yan... Pero 'yung pangalawang pormula ang mahirap gawin, mahirap gawin dahil ang tao kapag umiibig at nagmamahal, sa umpisa lang marunong magparaya at magsakripisyo alang-alang sa kanyang kasuyo.

The first formula is easy to follow... But the second formula is hard to do, hard to do because when a person loves, they only know how to give way and sacrifice at the start.

Sa halip, kadalasan sa bandang huli, imbes na ang isipin ay ang ikaliligaya ng kanyang kapareha, ang mas pinahahalagahan niya ay ang ikaliligaya ng sarili niya.

Instead, in the end, instead of giving a thought of their partner's happiness, they give more importance on their own happiness.

'Ika nga, nangyayaring gan'un dahil likas na possessive o makasarili ang isang tao. Dahil dito, dahil kusang nawala ang pagmamahal sa kapwa, sa halip, ang pumapalit ay ang pagmamahal sa sarili na kung tawagin ay "possessive love", roon din sa puntong 'yun, unti-unting gumuguho ang dating masaya pa naman sanang relasyon hanggang sa tuluyang mauwi sa paghihiwalay at pagluha.

As it was said, that happens because humans are naturally possessive or selfish. Because of this, because their love fades, instead it was replaced by self-love that is called "possessive love", and at that point, what used to be a happy relationship shatters until it leads to separation and tears.

Hinihigpitan mo kasi ang iyong kasuyo at gusto mong laging sumunod sa lahat ng nais mo. Nawala ang "pagkatao ng iyong kasuyo at tuluyang nabura" dahil sobrang makasarili ang pagmamahal mo, sa iyong girlfriend, sa iyong boyfriend o sa iyong asawa. "Bakit mo iniwan ang mister mo?" Ang tanong ng tsismosang kapitbahay sa kanyang kumare. "Paano lasenggo siya," ang sagot ng kausap.

Because you are being too strict with your lover and you want to be always obeyed on whatever you want. Your love has lost their identity and completely erased it because your love towards your girlfriend, your boyfriend or your spouse is too selfish. "Why did you leave your husband?" a gossip neighbor asks her friend. "He's an alcoholic," was the reply.

Tama nga naman, ano naman ang mahihita mo sa isang lasenggong mister? Nakita mo, kaya iniwan nitong si misis ang kanyang mister dahil lasenggo, nasaan ang pagmamahal diyan, hindi ba't wala? Sa halip, ang mahal pala nitong si misis ay ang matitino at mabubuting pagkatao ng kanyang asawa pero kapag ang kanyang asawa ay sumama o pumangit na ang dating magandang ugali sa pagtikular at naging lasenggo na, wala na siyang mahihita sa pakikisama sa taong ito, iietsapuwera at iiwan na siya? Sa simpleng lohika tama, bakit ka magtitiis sa isang lasenggong asawa?

It's right, what will you get from an alcoholic husband? You see, that's why this wife left her husband because he is alcoholic, where is the love in that, there's none, right? Instead, this wife only loves the good and sane personalities of her spouse but when he turns bad or there is something wrong with what used to be his good characteristics, in particular, becomes an alcoholic, she won't get anything from getting along with this person, would she just dump and leave him? In a simple logic this is right, why would you endure being with an alcoholic spouse?

Pero sa malalim na katuturan ng salitang "pag-ibig", lumalabas na ang mahal mo ay ang sarili mo dahil kapag mabait, mabuti, mahusay at matinong mister ang asawa mo, sino ba naman ang makikinabang sa ganitong mga positibong pag-uugali ng isang tao? Eh, 'di ikaw din.

But in a deep meaning of the word "love", it appears that you just love yourself because if a good, kind, great and sane man becomes your husband, who benefits from these positive traits of a person? Of course, you.

Tama ang sinasabi nating, dahil nakikinabang ka sa relasyon ninyo ng mahal mo, ang karelasyon mo ay mahal mo, pero kapag wala ka nang pakinabang sa isang relasyon, hindi mo na mahal ang karelasyon mo. Sino ngayon ang niloloko mo?

It is right what we are trying to say that because you benefit from your relationship with your loved one, you love who you are in a relationship with, but when you do not benefit from a relationship, you don't love who you are in a relationship with anymore. Who  are you trying to fool now?

Sarili mo. Kasi nagmamahal ka lang sa "pakinabang at mapapala" pero hindi mo kayang magmahal kapag wala ng pakinabang at wala ka ng mapapala. Nasaan ang tunay na pag-ibig sa ganu'ng sitwasyon? Ganu'n ba ang sinasabi ninyong pagmamahal? Nagmamahal lang kayo dahil pinakikinabangan ninyo ang isang tao, ngunit, kapag ang isang tao ay wala nang pakinabang, hindi n'yo na rin ito mahal?

Yourself. Because you only love for "benefit and what you'll get" but you can't love when you don't get any benefit or anything from it. Where is true love in that situation? Is that the love you are talking about? You only love for what benefit you'll get from the person, but, when that person becomes useless, you don't love them anymore?

Sa matuling salita, hindi 'yung taong 'yun ang mahal ninyo kundi ang sarili ninyo. Dahil 'yung boyfriend mo, 'yung girlfriend mo o 'yung asawa mo, ginawa mo lang na parang "bagay", kapag may pakinabang, iniingatan, kapag 'yung "bagay" na 'yun ay nawalan na ng pakinabang, itatapon na siya sa basurahan. Wala na kasi siyang kuwenta.

In short, you don't love that person but yourself. Because your boyfriend, your girlfriend or spouse, you treated them like an "object", when useful, you take care of it, when that "object" becomes useless, throw it in the trash. Because it is already worthless.

Madaling magmahal ng mister na laging nagbibigay ng intrega, siyempre, maraming pera si misis.

It is easy to love a husband who always give their salary, of course, the wife will have a lot of money.

Madaling magmahal ng mister na kung umuwi ay sa tamang oras at may pasalubong siyempre, mamayang gabi ay maligaya silang dalawa sa kama at masaya silang magkakainan ng pasalubong ni mister.

It is easy to love a husband who comes home on time with goods or treats of course, [then] later in the night, they will be happy in bed and will happily eat the treats or goods that the husband brought home.

Pero kapag wala ng maibigay si mister na salapi dahil kulang na sa kanya ang kanyang buwanang suweldo, mamahalin pa kaya si mister? Kapag si mister ay gabi na kung umuwi at halos wala na ring pasalubong, ano sa palagay mo, karapat-dapat pa bang mahalin ang ganyang klase ng asawa?

But if the husband has no money to give because he is too short with his monthly salary, will he still be loved? If the husband came home late without any goods or treats, what do you think, is that kind of spouse still deserving to be loved?

Ako na ang sasagot, mukhang hindi na, kasi nga wala na tayong pakinabang sa taong 'yun? Gan'un ba ang sinasabi ninyong pagmamahal?

I will answer, I think not anymore, because we won't get any benefit from that person? Is that what you call love?

Sa maikling salita, huwag kang magtataka kung bakit lubhang kakaunti lamang ang bilang ng mga taong pinapalad sa love  life, lalo na sa pag-aasawa dahil ang totoong dahilan niyan, kakaunti lang talaga ang mga taong marunong magmahal.

In short, don't be surprised why there is only very few who are lucky in their love life, especially in marital relationships because the real reason is there is only very few who really knows how to love.

Sila ang mga tao na may busilak na puso na may kakayahang magpadama ng isang dalisay at wagas na pag-ibig sa kanilang kapwa ng walang hinihintay na kapalit.

These are the people with kind hearts with the ability to make their fellow feel a pure and true love without asking for anything in return.

Sabi nga ng isang Russian proverb, "Love me black as I am, when I am white everyone will love me."

As a Russian proverb says, "Love me black as I am, when I am white everyone will love me."

Nagmamahal ka ng mabuti at mabait na tao, anong kuwentang pagmamahal 'yun, samantalang napakaraming nagmamahal sa gan'ung uri ng tao?

You are loving a good and kind person, what use is that kind of love, there are so many who loves that kind of person too?

Ang tunay at wagas na pagmamahal ay mahalin mo ang mga masasama at mga pangit, walang nagmamahal sa kanila, ikaw lang. 'Yun ang tunay at wagas na pag-ibig.

A true love is when you love the evil and the ugly, no one loves them, only you. That is true love.

May pakinabang ka man o wala sa iyong kasuyo, sa iyong boyfriend, sa iyong girlfriend o sa iyong asawa, dapat mahalin mo, anuman ang uri ng pagkatao niya., dapat mahalin mo pa rin, masama man ang ugali niya, mahalin mo pa rin dahil sa ganu'ng uri ng pag-ibig magbubunyi ang mga anghel sa langit, mananatiling buo ang mag-anak at tunay na magiging maligaya ang pamilya.

Whether you benefit or not from your lover, your boyfriend, your girlfriend or your spouse, love them, whatever kind of personality they have, you should still love them, even if they have bad characteristics, love them still because the angels in heaven rejoice in that kind of love, the clan stays together and the family will be truly happy.

At ikaw namang walang kuwentang tao, magpasalamat ka at magpakatino na dahil sa kabila ng kawalanghiyaan mo, mahal ka pa rin ng girlfriend mo,  mahal ka pa rin ng boyfriend mo, mahal ka pa rin ng asawa mo.

And you worthless person, be thankful and be good because in spite of your evilness, your girlfriend still loves you, your boyfriend still loves you, your spouse still loves you.

Ito marahil ang tamang oras upang magbago ka at mahalin ng lubos ang iyong asawa at iyong pamilya.

This must be the right time for you to change and truly love your spouse and family.



This came from Maestro Honorio Ong's "Kapalaran Ayon Sa Inyong Numero" (Destiny Based on Your Number) column in Bulgar tabloid newspaper entitled "Para sa medyo inaalat ang buhay pag-ibig: Sikreto ng Matatag na Pagsasama ng mga Nagmamahalan" (For those who are unfortunate with their love life: Secret to a Strong Relationship of Lovers)

This article is actually a respond to one of their texter's messages asking for an advice on how to have a happy relationship as she gives her birthdate (the numbers that will be used by the author as a basis on giving his predictions.)

I wasn't exactly a believer of fortunetellers or their predictions, although the Zodiac Signs interest me somehow (anyway, that's a different story) and so, I am just hooked on reading a lot until the title caught my interest. I started wondering what will this author say, what advice did he give for a long-lasting, strong relationship?

And from what I have read, I found myself agreeing to it.

That is true love in a real sense. You are not in a true-love-established relationship if you are only there for the benefit you'll get from it. You are not in love with the person in that case but only with yourself. You only think about yourself, of what will be good for you, even if that puts your lover on the line.

Those who truly love and knows how to love realizes that. Maybe what I read from the Daily Bread published (way back 2010 or 2009?) is right: Those who love are losers.

Because you do not love to get something, to win something that will benefit you.

Sources:
Google Images
Ong, Maestro Honorio, Para sa medyo inaalat ang buhay-pag-ibig: Sikreto ng Matatag na Pagsasama ng mga Nagmamahalan, Kapalaran Ayon sa Inyong Numero, Bulgar, Year 22, No. 326, October 27, 2014